NEW YORK CITY - (Satire News) - In a bizarre turn of events, Ghislaine Maxwell, the girlfriend of notorious criminal Jeffrey Epstein, has demanded that the charges against her be immediately dropped...and dropped like a hot potato.
Speaking exclusively to The Alpha Beta News Agency, Maxwell has revealed that she's been accused of a serious crime: sax trafficking. Yes, you read that right, sax as in saxophone, not sex as in, well, you know.
Apparently, Maxwell smuggled over 400 counterfeit saxophones from Peru, but she's insisting that the charges should be changed to something more appropriate for her musical misconduct.
When asked about the severity of her sax trafficking charges, Maxwell replied, "It's a load of hot air! I'm no Charlie Parker, I just wanted to spread the joy of jazz to the masses."
The ABNA reporter Mimosa Sabrosa, who has been following the case closely, noted that while Maxwell's charges of sex trafficking could land her in prison for 42 years, the sax trafficking charges would only result in an 8-month sentence with parole for good behavior after just 3 months.
With a criminal boyfriend like Epstein and a saxophone smuggling scheme, one can only imagine what other tune Maxwell might be singing...or should that be blowing? No, let's not go there.
