LOS ANGELES - (Satire News) - J.Lo, the world-renowned singer, dancer, actress, and glockenspiel player, has just added another accolade to her already impressive resume: "The Sexiest Latina in the USA."
According to her publicist, J.Lo's vavavoom ass played a significant role in securing this prestigious title, which was awarded by a panel of distinguished judges who are all, coincidentally, related to her.
But that's not all! In addition to being a multi-talented artist, J.Lo is also an exceptional poker player.
She recently competed in the "Hollywood's Premier Poker Tournament" and emerged victorious against a star-studded field that included Matt Damon, Taylor Swift, Lionel Richie, Ivanka Trump, Kate Gosselin, and even her own husband Ben Affleck.
It's unclear whether her success at the poker table was due to her skills or simply the distracting power of her ass.
J.Lo generously donated half of her $2.7 million prize money to "The Old West Home For Retired Stuntmen and Stuntwomen."
The donation will reportedly be used to fund essential services such as Botox treatments, gold fillings, and reconstructive groin surgery, which are all vital to the well-being of aging stunt performers.
