Detroit, MI – The King of Rap and Hip Hop has rapped about virtually everything and anything under the sun, including knocking off ex-wife Kim Mathers and painting the forest with blood and battling addiction and rehab.
But lately the King seems to be in the September of his years, mustering up just enough energy to perform his old hits while monitoring his Instagram account and allowing himself to get drawn into beef with Arby’s. Well that all might change very soon.
One of Eminem’s publicists was recently quoted as saying, “Yeah it’s true. Mr. Eminem, since he’s been sober and pill free, has been taking it easy lately. No more drive-bys. No more recycling factory sex. No more getting jumped by seven/eight people at the trailer park… However, Mr. Eminem is considering opening up his home and heart again to a deserving young child, preferably in the three to four year old range, so he can be mad at the world again…”
The publicist paused and then continued, “Hey listen, this is an old story but a true one. Mr. Eminem thinks that all the good children of the world without a family are deserving. And once Mr. Eminem has adopted again, people will just naturally want to pick on his kid, because that child will then be the child of Eminem. And Mr. Eminem is Mr. Eminem, so he’ll be angry and defensive and his reaction will be completely over the top. And of course being over the top is what makes Mr. Eminem Mr. Eminem. And that’s when a new album will come out.”
Watch for the new tour, coming to a town near you.
