LOS ANGELES - (Satire News) - According to information guru Andy Cohen, Miley Cyrus will be entering The St. Tinsel Hospital in Avocado Heights to undergo a vocal cord transplant procedure - swapping her old vocal cords out for two new ones made out of rainbows.
Cohen divulged that just within the past several months Miley has lost part of her high range notes due to the fact that her left ovary has become a mermaid princess after years of drinking pixie dust, years of smoking fairy wands, and years of twerking her sparkly booty at high speeds.
Miley's daddy, Billy Ray Cyrus acknowledged that he had the same exact procedure done 29 years ago, and it greatly improved his pitch, his vocalization, his timing, his whale-song yodeling, his rainbow-infused falsetto voice, and even his unicorn-enhanced sex life.
Meanwhile, Miley says that she will be postponing her upcoming tour with hip hop artist Black Kitty Meow Meow ("The Miley and The Black Kitty Meow Meow Magical Unicorn Tour") for at least 6½ months.
