Lock up your daughters – your wives – your confused husbands … the Human Scrotum is on the loose!
Deep in the Hollywood Hills there has been spotted an evil creature in suit and tie, with a face so hideous that fashion models and spokeswomen for Lancôme are running from it – tough to run in heels, but when the Scrotum is on them, you race as fast as possible to safety!
What does the Human Scrotum want? What’s with the attitude? Doesn’t he like the hand that fed him? Can’t he just smile and nod and not do the eye-roll thing (it’s like yawning … I did it too)? Hollywood can make and break – which side is the Human Scrotum on? Will he get any more movie deals, or has the Human Scrotum’s honesty and skepticism barred him from all movie studios and juicy roles in which whomever cries the best and looks the worst while doing it – or whomever can YELL EVERY LINE – gets the Big Award!
Can the Human Scrotum bring sanity to the Vanity Fair industry (no, not the magazine that still makes girls around the world feel like shit for not having ‘model bodies’ … the Human Scrotum meant the book. It’s an old one, but a good one, but will anyone today read a novel over a hundred years old – maybe two hundred! Did people write on computers back then, and if not, how did they write at all? Paper? What is this paper of which you speak, Human Scrotum!)
The Human Scrotum may be in your town as we speak. It may be swinging and swaying, kinda hairy, kind bald – unless well-shaved without too many nicks – no one wants a bloody Human Scrotum! Not on my watch, fella! Big balls or small, the Human Scrotum holds them all! (There’s a song in there somewhere … possibly by ACDC.)
If you see the Human Scrotum, do not approach! It could be filled with a salty sticky liquid that doesn’t go well with elite parties and dresses that cannot be taken back for a refund!
Watch the skies, watch your balls … the Human Scrotum may be on your person right now!
Strip down naked and run for your life! (Filthy naughty bastard … is Cambridge doing its hazing again?)
