WASHINGTON, D.C. - (Satire News) - The FBI reports that one of the United States best spies has discovered where every one of President Vladimir Nikita Putin's 303 ballistic missiles are located.
The spy, who will only be identified by her code name, "Lady Chatterley," has been an astoundingly amazing US espionage operative for seven years, and she has received countless commendations, awards, and medals for her excellent work, including 2022's award for "Being The Prettiest and Sexiest American Spy."
"LC," as President Biden calls her has been invited to dine at the White House with the Bidens on many occasions, including this past Halloween, when the Biden's dressed up as Anthony and Cleopatra.
Lady LC went dressed as Lady Gaga complete with a fruit salad hat and camoflage crotchless panties.
SIDENOTE: White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre has pointed out that only three individuals know exactly where every Russian missile is located; "Lady Chatterley, POTUS, and Nancy Pelosi. ■
