Spicoli Wants Everybody to Die in Prison, After His Last Cigarette

Funny story written by Ana Sian

Thursday, 2 February 2023

image for Spicoli Wants Everybody to Die in Prison, After His Last Cigarette
Hack Hack Hack ... Go to Jail and Sell Your Ass for a Cigarette

Is Sean Penn getting older? Of course, it’s called time and gravity. But are those aspects of science wearing on his mind as well as his body?

Oh sure, we all like to condemn people for being different, who doesn’t? We all say one thing and mean another, or change our minds from time to time and then either hate ourselves for past opinions or say, fuck it, and get on with our lives while being called hypocrites … but who doesn’t?

Sean wants all the unvaccinated to be locked up in prison, no jobs, no car, no house, no nuthin’. I mean, wow, Sean sure is adamant about locking people up for not following orders. (Wasn’t that the German Army’s excuse for the holocaust too? If an American soldier in Iraq didn’t kill someone suspected as being a terrorist, what would the American military do to them? And how is Guantanamo Bay doing these days? Haven’t heard from them for a loooong time!)

Anyway, okay, Sean, I see what you’re saying. But let’s think about the technical details.

If you lock up everyone who doesn’t want the jab, you then have tons of people in a prison, which is by definition a confined space. What happens to people trapped in a confined space they can’t get out of? Lots of fun things! They even make movies and TV shows out of what happens!

(Also, some people will blah blah nothing crimes – jaywalking, being a corrupt PM – sorry, they don’t go to prison … uh, being in the wrong country cuz your country sucks, hunting rabid gators without a license, selling oranges on the highway without a permit, or just being a certain color – were let out so that they didn’t get Covid while behind bars, so … have prisons ever worked for any reason except make the self-righteous feel righteous? Well, what would you suggest we do with killers, Ana? Either look to the Scandinavians, or … “America Ninja”, coming soon!)

And what happens to a virus when it doesn’t have too far too jump from nostril to nostril? That’s right, Spicoli, you will create MORE INFECTED PEOPLE than non-infected by locking them up.

See … wasn’t that easy to use your brain to figure out?

So Sean, if you wanna play a bit of Hitler to people you don’t like, then be careful what you wish for … someone might say playing a teenage stoner who challenges school authority by ordering a pizza during class is influencing and grooming children, and that the actor can then be held responsible for the parts he plays … never say never, the way things are going, even thinking of a crime you saw on an old movie could land you in covid jail.

Hey, bud, let’s die in a covid prison! Gnarly!

PS: Sean, does smoking cigarettes cure covid?

PPS: Aren’t you also kinda famous for smoking in places where smoking has been banned since your smoke will cause others to cough and maybe die?

PPPS: Sean, if you keep smoking tobacco around other people, you may eat your words and land in your own prison.

PPPPS: Okay, I gotta stop. The Penn (Oh, the ...) is just too full of irony!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot