Old Vic
London
Estonia:
A new production of “The Phantom of the Opera” will be opening soon, and tickets are sold out!
This is a revamped version of the beloved musical to reflect modern times. The Phantom usually wears a mask to hide his disfigurement so that he can fall in love and play organ music (girls love that shit!) in his basement …
… but with Covid, he will now be wearing a mask over his mouth. Will he sound as good? Critics are eager to find out.
An advanced show was put on just for a handful of select people, including theatre critics, some who said:
“Ah come the fuck on! Make it stop! He’s choking on the mask!” said Rex Rool of the L.A. Times.
“I … I …I can’t hear him … was there supposed to be sneezing in the lyrics? It sounds like he’s inhaling his own snot. I … I … I don’t get … is this what’s called modern art?” said Lois Scoobie of the Guardian Sunday Theatre Review.
“I laughed my ass off until they kicked me out – I made the fucker shut up for two seconds – now that’s a musical!” said Sally Hoppedup of the Chicago Wacky Picayune.
A new block of tickets will soon be released, so act fast and get your seats reserved for the all-new original masked singer … unless he chokes to death on his notes and has a great death scene!
