CNN Hiring New Anchors for their Titanic Shitshow

Funny story written by Ana Sian

Sunday, 16 October 2022

image for CNN Hiring New Anchors for their Titanic Shitshow
Still Employed, and Her Hair Isn't Too 'Helmety' ...

Would you like a job in journalism? It’s easy, other people do the ground work for you, all you have to do is smile and tote the party line and get paid big big bucks!

Maybe even a book deal or your own show – IF you can go viral! Whether you’re a good journalist or a bad journalist (what is this, Oz?) you can still become famous or infamous. Whatever gets the Hollywood deal!

CNN is now looking for new on-air reporters who have helmet hair that doesn’t look too “helmety” and who won’t masturbate during a Zoom conference call. Can you keep your hands off yourself for a goddamn hour? One fucking hour, Jeffery!

CNN is firing so many of its staff, it has had to call in the mailroom guy and a couple of janitors to read the news.

Soon, Norm Kronalsky will have his own show instead of having to clean up toilets after Jim Acosta and Dana Bash have a go at them.

Let’s hope Norm doesn’t piss off the higher powers, or he could get fired and have to go back to the toilets, or worse – get cancelled and destroyed as a human being, and forced to leave the planet. It’s bad shit out there, Norm. Better bring a mop to clean up whatever the hell is going wrong at CNN.

Apply now and start the hair spray turning your perm into a news-worthy do!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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