Ted "Eddie Munster" Cruz Says That The Hundreds of Daily Death Threats Don't Scare His RINO Ass One Damn Bit!

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Saturday, 9 July 2022

image for Ted "Eddie Munster" Cruz Says That The Hundreds of Daily Death Threats Don't Scare His RINO Ass One Damn Bit!
"Damn, I'm an ugly son-of-a-bitch, but Teddy takes the fucking cake." -RUDY GIULIANI

WAXAHACHIE, Texas - (Satire News) - Ted Cruz who says he was born in Canada, but his 'real' birth certificate shows that he was born in Pudding de Platano, Guatemala, told a reporter with Hearsay Today that he is getting over 800 death threats a day, but he is not scared, worried, or afraid.

However, his wife, Heidi Sapphire Guantanamo, told HT reporter Abby Yukon, that, her husband, Rafael Eduardo Pinocchio Cruz, is in fact so scared that he has to change his underwear at least six times a day.

Teddy Boy, as the Trumptard calls him noted that the reason why he changes his boxer shorts half a dozen times a day, is because of his gonadial condition, which causes his testicles (balls) to secrete over 275 drops of sweat during every 24-hour period.

Cruz was asked by Miss Yukon, if he is concerned at all of that the good people of Texas are going to vote his sorry, old, sarcastic, arrogant, entitled ass out of office.

Teddy shook his head and replied that at 51, he doesn't consider himself old. He did however, admit that he is sarcastic, arrogant, and entitled as fuck, but he is NOT old.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more