HOLLYWOOD – (Satire News) – Tom Cruise is one of the richest actors in all of Tinsel Town.
One Hollywood agent stated that Tom has the Midas Touch, as anything that he touches turns to pure certified, unadulterated gold.
The film agent revealed to Bedroom Pillow Talk writer Gazebo Serengeti, that he might have the Midas Touch in the movie industry, but as far as the marital world goes, he is a complete dud and failure having married and divorced Mimi Rodgers, Nicole Kidman, and Katie Holmes.
Cruise said that Rodgers was not a good cook, Kidman was way too fucking tall, and Holmes was way too fucking short.
When Tom was asked if there is currently a woman in his life, he grinned and replied that his current girlfriend is an inflatable sex doll replica of the Queen of Reality Shows Kate Gosselin.
Tommy, as info guru Andy Cohen calls him, has just announced that he has already agreed to star in the third franchise installment of Top Gun which has been named “Top Gun – The Geriatric Years.”
SIDENOTE: Tom said that in the latest Top Gun film he used his very own F-14 Tomcat jet, his very own flight helmet, and his official US Navy boxer shorts.
