HOLLYWOOD - (Satire News) - BuzzFuzz reporter Taffeta Kixx stated that the Johnny Depp/Amber Heard trail has lasted longer than their marriage.
During the trial, Heard accused Depp of being addicted to Flintstone Vitamins, and of constantly singing Petula Clark songs while they were making love.
Depp countered by saying that he needs the Flintstone vitamins to get energy for his and Amber's boinking sessions, which at times go on for 3 to 7 hours, breaking only for beers, pepperoni pan-pizza, bubble gum, and of course more Flintstones.
He then added that he hated Petula Clark's songs including "Downtown," "I Know A Place," and her biggest hit "The Bloke He Took Off Me Bloomers Quicker Than It Takes a Flea To Pee."
At one point during the trial, the judge turned to the baliff and whispered that Depp and Heard were truly one very, very fucked up couple. The baliff replied, "No shit - and we thought that Katy Perry and Russell Brand's marriage was bat-shit crazy."
BuzzFuzz is reporting that Depp and Heard will soon begin filming the suspense thriller sequel titled, "Fatal Attraction 2 - The Messy-As-Shit Bed."
SIDENOTE: The movie will be filmed on location in Kalamazoo, Michigan, Duck Dung, Alabama, and Tijuana, Mexico.
