WASHINGTON, D.C. - (Satire News) - GOP Trump ass-kisser, Madison Cawthorn has stated that all of the lies coming out about him will only make him stronger.
The latest photos of Cawthorn allegedly show him at The Bronx Zoo, in the flamingo reserve, openly molesting a male flamingo as he is moaning, that the guy flamingo is extremely sexy and is positively well-hung.
The 26-year-old Cawthorn, who insists he is not an animal, fish, or bird pervert, noted that he truly believes that the lies came from one of three possible sources; one, Tennessee bi-senator, and pee-pee licker Marsha Blackburn, two, Taylor Swift, or three Prince Charles.
Prince Charles reportedly responded by saying that he has never heard of Cawthorn, but added that after seeing his flaky photo, Cawthorn does have all of the earmarks of a depraved psycho, who would molest a male flamingo without batting an eye.
