LAS VEGAS – (Satire News) – Adele regrets having to cancel her much anticipated “Adele Kicks Sin City’s Ass” performances, but she has no choice.
That is according to Margarita Mixx, writer with the Wild Whispers News Agency.
A rep for Adele' organization stated that it was due to the resurgence of the Trumpapalooza Pandemic.
But information guru, Andy Cohen, says that he found out what the real reason was.
It appears that a few days ago, Adele at the insistence of her new boyfriend, LaTundra Roosevelt, got both of her nipples pierced, and due to some bacteria in the air, her nipples became infected, and actually ended up puffing up to seven times their size.
SIDENOTE: Medical experts state that with Adele’s nipples puffing up to seven times their normal size the songstress will not be able to hit six of the notes in the upper register.
