DES MOINES, Iowa – (Satire News) – In an unbelievable report the Quinnipinni Polling Agency has just put out that Iowa has just managed to surpass California in the amount of cocaine use.
Up until recently no state in the nation, not even drug-infested Illinois or drug laden Florida, could hold a candle to the left coast state of California when it came to "Snow."
But QPA states that Iowa residents are becoming more and more wealther due to the spike in the sale of corn products, including corn-on-the-cob, crème style corn, and cornnuts.
And so doing the math it stands to reason that Iowa residents now have much more money to purchase pretty much anything they want including marijuana, opioids, expensive sex toys imported from Denmark, and of course Peruvian Marching Dust, aka cocaine.
SIDENOTE: Drug dealers and pushers in California vow to do whatever the hell it takes to take back their #1 Cocaine title.
