HARTFORD – (Satire News) – After much controversy, the state of Connecticut has finally informed the media that it has voted to legalize cocaine by a vote of 74 to 7, with 19 abstaining.
Senator Kingston P. Riffkit, 84, told Boom Boom News that, after doing lots of research on the financial aspects of legalizing the Colombian white powder, he was thrilled to learn that it would bring in a little over $47 million a year into the state’s coffers.
When told that dozens of drug cartels in Colombia, Guatemala, and Australia are extremely upset, he simply remarked that they could just take their “snow” and peddle it in New Jersey, New York, and Newfoundland.
He then proudly said that the state will receive some much-needed business revenue, which they will use to repair the swimming pool in the state capital, plant thousands of Ukrainian Pistachio trees, and pay off the $23 million loan that the state received from Jeff Bezos last year.
Connecticut Governor Ned “The Dude” Lamont informed the news media that he will be having eight cocaine distribution centers set up throughout the state. He divulged that seven of the centers will have drive-thru lanes.
