CHICAGO – (Satire News) – The Chicago Police Department reports that they have just arrested a woman who is 91-years-old.
According to a CPD report the woman, identified as Bergina P. Eggyfoss, who is from Norway, and only speaks broken English words like iPhone, Gwen Stefani, Hostess Twinkies, and pussy, says she has no recollection how the 608 Fentanyl pills ended up in her size 18 granny panties.
She insisted that they were not there when she boarded the Chicago-bound plane in Helsinki, 8 hours and 25 minutes before.
The old gal even said that when she went to the bathroom on the plane she did not see them or even feel them.
The flight attendant told the arresting CPD officers that the man sitting next to her on the plane did notice one hellacious bulge in her crotch region, but he just wrote it off as her having a very thick-as-hell bush.
Meanwhile Ms. Eggyfoss is still sitting in jail on a $19,000 bond. And the Fentanyl pills have been marked as evidence exhibits 1 through 608.
