SAN ANTONIO – (Satire News) – Famed Texas historian Bobby “Buck” Buckaroo, has just stated that the 187-year-old historical mission/fort was recently inspected by members of the U.S. Inspecting Association.
The inspectors, led by Howie P. Petsteen, and his wife Kinsey, discovered that the Alamo, which was named after the Alamo tumbleweeds that surround the structure, has tons of mold that one usually finds in musky, hurricane-prone, swamp bayou regions in and around Houston and New Orleans.
The mission, which was originally named The Mission of Our Lady of The Chupacabra, was only recently remodeled at a cost of $37.1 million, due to extensive snow damage it received during the infamous Great Texas Snowstorm of 2021.
The Alamo was the site of the 1836, 13-day battle between 189 Texas and Tennessee volunteers led by Colonel Davy Crocket, Colonel William Barret Travis, and Colonel Jim Bowie, against a gigantic army led by 4-Star General Antonio Lopez de Santa Ana Fernandez Figaroa Fillmore, Jr.
Santa Ana's army was comprised of 42,103 seasoned troops, along with 37 women of ill-repute, who provided the troops with sexual favors.
One long-time, blue-haired, little, old San Antonio resident, named Maddie May McIntickler, 97, was heard to say, “Hell, I say, just tear the smelly place down!”
She went on to point out that the last time she visited the fort, she was accosted by a mothereffen woodpecker, which has caused her to have the most horrible nightmares imaginable.
Maddie May added that she's now gone from drinking one can of Lone Star Light Beer a night to drinking half a bottle of Johnny Walker Red a night.
Her 22 grandchildren and 13 great-grandchildren are trying to get Granny Maddie May into the Betty Ford Rehab Clinic, but she is resisting like hell.
Meanwhile, San Antonio Spurs Coach Gregg Popovich has donated $600 towards the Help Rid The Alamo of The Damn Mold Fund.