MC Hammer Party Spoilt By Owner's Materialism

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 26 January 2021

image for MC Hammer Party Spoilt By Owner's Materialism
I'd really prefer it if you didn't touch that

A house party thrown by one of the music world's most successful rap stars of the 1980s and early 1990s, MC Hammer, was a major disappointment according to one fan who attended the function at the star's home in Tracy, California.

John Ingrate, who has been an MC Hammer fan all of his life, said that, although the luxurious and opulent ranch-style mansion was 'a sight for sore eyes', and the music pumping out of huge speakers until dawn was of the highest caliber, it was the star's materialistic attitude towards his home and treasured possessions that will be the thing most attendees will remember.

Said Ingrate:

"You'd have thought everything was made from pure solid gold! We couldn't lay a finger on anything. It was absolutely ridiculous!"

Other revellers were of a similar opinion. One, Kirsty Lightfinger, said:

"Every time I went to pick something up, I was told not to. There was a painting I was looking at. He didn't elaborate very much. Just plain and simple, told me not to touch it. Over and over and over again!"

Another partygoer said he left the bash early, after he experienced problems when he wanted to use the toilet. James Rick said:

"I needed to take a dump, but he saw me, and as my hand hovered over the restroom door handle, he went into one of his frenzied dance routines, and told me not to touch it - several times. I had to go out into his garden, and shit in some bushes!"

MC Hammer is 73.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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