HOLLYWOOD – (Celebrity Satire) - The ending of this edition of “Dancing With The Stars” looked like just another episode of “The Jerry Springer Show” minus the chair-throwing and the X-rated cussing and yelling.
The new host, Tyra Banks, blamed the problem on the control room, who blamed it on the director, who blamed it on the cue card guy, who blamed it on Tyra.
Banks, who replaced the extremely well-liked Tom Bergeron, really overdid the eye makeup, which made her look like she had just been punched in both eyes, by the ever temperamental Naomi Campbell.
Bravo’s Andy Cohen cleared it all up when he said that one of the DWTS judges told him that Tyra has accidentally smeared mascara on the card that had the evening’s results, and she could not read it.
So, she inadvertently said that Val Chmerkovskiy and cheerleading coach and noted astrologer Monica Aldama were safe.
But they weren’t. A stage hand reported that Val and Monica were backstage celebrating with two bottles of Corona Extra Beer, when they were asked to return to the ballroom.
Meanwhile, Anne Heche, who is Ellen DeGeneres’ former girlfriend, and an avid sumo wrestling fan, and her dance partner, Keo Motsepe, were actually eliminated by the judges.
Val and Monica had danced to a Bolivian Samba, titled “The Stampede of The Elderly Alpacas”.
Anne and Keo had danced to the modernized version of “The Hokey-Pokey”.
ABC has said that there is no truth to the rumor that Tyra Banks is being put on probation.