MILWAUKEE – (Satire News) - The Democratic National Convention easily had the highest television ratings of the night, beating out “The Friends Reunion”, “The M*A*S*H Reunion”, and “The Housewives of Intercourse, Pennsylvania” season premier.
The DNC kicked off with moderator Eva Longoria, who quickly showed that she is one of the prettiest, sexiest, and downright hottest 45-year-olds in the red states and the blue states of America.
Anderson Cooper with CNN, who is gay, excitingly exclaimed, “Damn! Maybe I’m not gay after all.”
To which, Don Lemon, who is also gay, added that he has never wanted to kiss a woman before, but that Eva is one hot Latina firecracker.
When a USA Today reporter told her about Cooper and Lemon’s comments, she blushed, and said that she has actually been told that she has caused thousands and thousands of gays to become ungay.
The bottom line regarding the convention was that the “Golfer-in-Chief” needs to be arrested for clear dereliction of his presidential duties.
