NEW YORK CITY – (Spoof Entertainment Satire) - After being told by several prominent movie critics that all of the Hallmark Channel movies look and sound the same, the popular network has decided to make some changes.
Noted film critic, Gunther Mittendorf, wrote an article saying that, out of 90 Hallmark movies that he viewed, 84 had either Christmas trees, Christmas decorations, snow, Christmas carolers, extreme wholesomeness, or the most perfect-looking people on earth.
He revealed that he'd talked to one of the directors, who replied that, in the 19 movies that he had personally directed, he never once realized that they all basically had the same Christmas theme.
Mittendorf said that there was always a Santa Claus, and his body double not too far away from his director's chair. He also noted that most of the sets exuded that Christmas cookie fragrance.
The famed critic did admit that, now that he had been made aware of some of these Christmasy situations, he would see about possibly directing a Hallmark movie that had a bunch of protesters, looters, and lots and lots of military-type figures shooting rubber bullets and teargassing anti-Electoral College citizens and concerned moms.