A famed singer and plagiarist, who has at least two big hits he has been sued for, has now said that he is offended by Pancake Day.
'It was bad enough, last week, when I said that I was offended by Valentine's Day, but now Pancake Day is here. There is nothing worse than the waste I see, all of those eggs, and flour wasted, for what? For what?'
To us, he has always been a bit of a tosser, whether or not he is holding a pan. We asked him if he planned to give anything up for Lent.
'Perhaps I will give up being an attention-seeking old duffer for Lent' said the famously self-important bloke, 'but I don't think I could last for forty days before the Daily Hate asked me what I thought about a certain person or singer'.
No-one can really remember him.