The Osmonds Christmas Single Out Next Week

Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 28 December 2018

image for The Osmonds Christmas Single Out Next Week
A particularly crazy horse

The Osmonds, the flamboyant family pop group from the 1970s, who had scores of hits such as 'Crazy Horses' in 1972, are to release their new Christmas single next week, albeit it a little later than traditional festive releases.

The band, which is made up of brothers Alan, Wayne, Merrill, Jay, Donny, Jimmy, Bruce, Martin, Oswald, Demetrius, Dirk, Roger, Cletus, Hank, Gerry, Jerry, and Johnboy, and sister, Marie, first came to the attention of the American public in the 1960s, but really hit the headlines when tiny brother, Jimmy - who, at that time, was aged just 2 years and 3 months - broke onto the scene with his hit 'Long Hairy Lover From Liverpool', which, in both the US and Britain, went straight to number 1, and then into minus figures.

Donny also had a hit with 'Puppy Love', about a relationship he had with a dog, and his sister, Marie, tasted huge success with 'Paper Roses', which tackled the difficult and sensitive subject of a girl who makes roses from paper.

Their new offering is a subtle blend of rock, bubblegum, country, and heavy metal, and is bound to be droning-on annoyingly in a supermarket aisle near you soon.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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