"Minions" Movie Full of Subliminal Satanic Messages

Written by Vlad D.M. Paylaw

Saturday, 25 July 2015

Reverend Gerry Fallguy, minister at the Suffering Jesus Christ Baptist church in Atlanta and founder of the Moral Immaturity movement, called reporters to his church last week to announce a startling discovery:

"I took my kids to see the "Minions" movie, and couldn't understand a word the cute little yellow guys were saying. So, just for a lark, I downloaded a copy and used a special program to play it backwards. You won't believe what you're about to hear."

Sure enough, after just a few mouse clicks, the unmistakable voices of the minions emanated from Fallguy's computer speakers, uttering statements like:
"Jesus is dead. Satan is alive."
"All kneel before the Prince of Darkness, who effortlessly destroyed that pathetic weakling from Nazareth!"
"Grant us our petition, oh Dark Lord, for we are your humble devotees."

When apprised of this startling discovery, Dr. Floyd Sigmund, editor in chief of the American Journal of Psychology scoffed: "That's nothing. Listen to the evil message on this Justus Beaver CD, when I play it backwards."

Sure enough, shortly after the doctor pushed the "TRATS" button, a teenage boy's voice could be heard crooning: "Trump for president!"

When asked if this "subliminal seduction" had any discernible effect on listeners, Dr. Sigmund replied, "I don't know of any published studies that suggest that to be the case, but, then again, why would any respectable scientist bother investigating a claim which religious people already know to be true?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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