Santa Is No Longer Making a List and Checking It Twice

Funny story written by Gail Farrelly

Monday, 3 December 2012

image for Santa Is No Longer Making a List and Checking It Twice
He warns that you STILL better watch out!

But don't take that to mean you should be naughty instead of nice.

Spoof reporter Gail Farrelly did an email interview with Santa Claus and found out that there IS still a Naughty-or-Nice List (NNList) at the North Pole, but Santa no longer prepares it. Mr. Claus wrote in his email, "There's been a huge increase in the number of children in the world, and my workload is bigger than ever. I'm not getting any younger, and I just can't do the amount of work I used to. I've farmed out the job of making the Naughty-or-Nice List to a very capable group of former FBI agents."

And, as for checking the list twice? Santa wrote in his email: "No can do. No time. But my handlers have developed a computer program that gets the job done. Something like Spellcheck, only it's called NNcheck."

Two of Santa's workers also weighed in, visiting with Farrelly in NYC. But they didn't reveal their names, since they aren't legally authorized to speak about Santa. The anonymous informants were: a reindeer with a red nose and a snowman in an old silk hat. The reindeer commented, "Good grief, why is Santa relying on ex-FBI agents? Hasn't he been keeping up with the news of the recent antics of FBI folks? Y'know, cavorting with prostitutes and snooping into private emails? What's going on here?" The snowman was equally disgusted. A traditionalist who hates change, he said it chilled him to the bone (or to the whatever) to see a computer program replacing Santa's brilliant judgment.

Farrelly has been trying in vain to get Santa's elves to talk, but so far no luck. The little people have little interest in spilling the beans. They just want to keep their jobs.

Rely on The Spoof to continue to get you the latest info on the NNList. Be prepared. You don't want to find yourself getting nothing but a big lump of coal in your Christmas stocking (although considering fuel prices, that may not be such a bad thing!).

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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