Christmas Falls Foul of PC Brigade As Santa Closed Down

Funny story written by HaveIGotNewsForYou

Friday, 30 November 2012


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A North Pole man has been told he can no longer operate his seasonal business venture, delivering toys to children, after he violated several laws and incurred the wrath of politically correct organizations from across the globe.

Santa Claus, who is also known as Father Christmas, Saint Nicholas and his real name, Frank, has been ordered to "shut up shop" after concerns were raised about the welfare of not only his staff but animals in his care.

Trouble began when several employees, of short stature, complained that they found the term "Elf" offensive.

These complaints were upheld resulting in many vertically challenged workers becoming eligible for compensation from Claus, after years of name calling and stereotyping, with one attorney for the group describing a workplace environment that was "sickening - the way short people were only employed, as if they were nothing more than low skilled labor only suitable for menial tasks".

The plight of the so called elves subsequently attracted the attention of minority groups, who noted that no ethnic minority elves were employed by Claus.

Sam Atkins, an attorney who investigates cases of racism in the work place noted "Not one dark skinned elf, not one oriental elf, not one from the Indian sub-continent? It is obvious that Claus is a racist - his record of employing minorities is shameful."

Many elves also complained that they were suffering from the affects of second hand smoke, claiming that Mr. Clause would often "sit on a big chair, just puffing on a pipe, blowing smoke across the workshop, oblivious to those around him and the damage his smoking was doing to those under his employ."

Problems with conditions at the North Pole did not just involve the work force; investigators also discovered several reindeer's locked in a stable.

After investigation it was revealed that the poor animals were only exercised once a year, spending the remaining 364 days tethered to each other in "abhorrent" conditions, resulting in one animal suffering abrasions to his nose, resulting in an open wound that attending vets called "sickening - the blood filled nostril's developing into an unsightly boil that could be seen from miles away, such was the glow."

The animal was subsequently destroyed.

Claus has vowed he will not be deterred by the closure of his business and claims he will merely relocate to another part of the world where he can operate unimpeded by regulations and political correctness.

"I am outsourcing to China - fuck this shit" he said after hurriedly pushing through a throng of waiting reporters.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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