Anderson Cooper Devastated! Dumps His Cheating Fiancé

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 17 August 2012

image for Anderson Cooper Devastated! Dumps His Cheating Fiancé
Cooper says he will be returning Ben's Valentine's Day present, the Princess Prissy P-9 Blow Dryer.

MANHATTAN - Anderson Cooper, host of CNNs Anderson Cooper 360, who just recently came out of the closet, has just found out that his three-year relationship was not the Camelot fairy tale that he thought it was.

Cooper's fiancé and boyfriend Ben "Benny Boy" Maisani, 39, was recently photographed dozens of times in Central Park cuddling, canoodling, and mouth kissing with an unidentified male who has since been identified as Rumpelstiltskin P. Kaztonfitz, 27.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I looked him up on the Internet and Rumpelstiltskin is actually his real first name.]

A close friend of Cooper informed Bedroom Pillow Talk that Anderson is so devastated by the revelation that he has not been able to eat his favorite foods, tofu, sushi, escargot, and quiche since learning of Maisani's unfaithfulness.

The 45-year-old Cooper has been comforted somewhat by his 88-year-old mother Gloria Vanderbilt, inventor of Vanderbilt Women's Jeans and the Vanderbilt 15 Inch 20-Amp Dual Bevel Compound Laser Miter Saw.

Ms. Vanderbilt is reportedly quite distraught since she had already made about 93 percent of the Labor Day Wedding Plans for her son and Ben the low-life, punk-ass chump (her words).

She stated that she will be calling up The Ringling Brothers Barnum & Bailey Circus to cancel the six elephants, the dozen clowns, and the circus fat lady, 617 pound Madam Carbs.

SIDENOTE: Anderson Cooper has told his pedicurist Teddy Fintarelli that he will never again set foot in Ben's Manhattan drinking establishment, The Eastern Building Blocks Gay Bar.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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