The Dallas Cowboys To Sign Olympic Champion Usain Bolt, The Fastest Man In The World

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 7 August 2012

image for The Dallas Cowboys To Sign Olympic Champion Usain Bolt, The Fastest Man In The World
Cowboys owner Jerry Jones says that Bolt will be the highest paid receiver in the NFL. (Photo courtesy of Ryan Seacrest).

DALLAS - Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones is so happy he was actually seen doing somersaults by several members of his Cowboy Stadium cleaning staff.

Jones, who eats, sleeps, and drinks Cowboy blue spoke with Rufus Reno of Sports Balls Illustrated Daily and told him that he has some great news.

The Cowboys owner said that he has been in talks with Olympic champion Usain Bolt about signing him to a contract to play wide receiver for his team.

The Jamaican sprinter, who is the fastest human on Earth, has reportedly expressed an interest in playing for Jerry's Cowboys.

When Dallas quarterback Tony Romo heard the news he was so elated that she started hollering "Super Bowl! Super Bowl! Super Bowl!"

His stunningly attractive wife Candice is reported to have reminded him not to count his chickens before they hatch.

Romo kept saying "Usain Bolt!" over and over. Candice smiled and told him that as thrilled as he is that she hopes he doesn't decide to leave her for him.

Tony smiled and told her that the man can hit speeds of 28 miles per hour. He grinned from ear-to-ear and replied that having Usain on the team means that he will complete a lot more of his passes and the sports writers and fans will not be so quick to criticize him and say that he can't take the Cowboys past the regular season.

Usain Bolt was contacted by Mr. Reno and asked for a comment. Bolt said, "Ya man, I tink dat I be goin' to da Cowboys of Dallas and I be catchin' a whole bunch of dem passes from Tony Roman (Romo)."

SIDENOTE: When news of the possible signing of the world's fastest human hit the news wires Cowboy season ticket sales increased by 19 percent. "Dollar $ign" Jones is already planning on raising the prices of hot dogs, popcorn, nachos, beer, and Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader outfits.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more