New Sleep Product Helps the US Economy

Funny story written by Philbert of Macadamia

Thursday, 26 May 2011

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Sleep-Not Capsules

Union City NJ: The Prometheus Pharmaceutical Company (PPC) announced today that a breakthrough in sleep medication had occurred. A new sleep product, fortified with vitamins, will soon be on the over-the-counter market.

PPC's lead project researcher Dr. Styx indicated that a multi-million dollar study, funded by HHS through ObamaCare, has shown that approximately 33% of a person's 24 hour day is spent sleeping. PPC has developed a little green pill called "Sleep-Not" (patent pending) that reduces sleep time by 50%. Four more hours per day are then available to people for work or play.

The US Department of Labor is recommending to Congress that these hours be utilized to improve worker productivity, without any increase in wages. US public and private sector workers would go back to a 12 hour day, produce more goods and services for export to China, increase tax revenue, balance the federal budget and pay down the national debt.

"Sleep-Not" has some side effects that must be considered such as adverse interactions with Viagra type medications, heart medications and diabetes medications. It has been shown to cause cancer in laboratory rats, as well as heart attacks and sterility/infertility.

A cost benefit-analysis indicates that short term medical costs will increase, but a plentiful supply of cheap labor will keep the unemployment rate low. Additionally, long term costs of Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid will decrease as well as population growth. Some labor unions have voiced objections.

FDA approval is being sought with positive recommendations from HHS.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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