Elderly Woman Wins Entire U.S. Treasury

Funny story written by Adam Click

Monday, 9 May 2011

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Marge Holdstrom has managed her husband's business for over forty years. She's pretty sure she can manage ours.

In a sweepstakes mix-up that makes the Toyota recall seem like a stroll in the park, Marge Holdstrom,86,of Foxborough,Tennessee, has won the entire contents of the United States Treasury.

Treasury officials were stunned to learn that Mrs. Holdstrom was holding such an instrument and was intent upon keeping it. "I won it fair and square, and I'm gonna keep it!" Mrs. Holdstrom was qouted as saying in between television appearences. "I've managed my husband's business affairs for well over forty years. I'm pretty sure I can do a good job managing the country's."

"We don't know where it came from, or how she came to aquire it, but it appears to be the genuine article. I'm afraid the future of the United States is in the hands of this one elderly lady." quipped an irritated Timothy F. Geithner, Secretary of the U.S. Department of Treasury, while testifying before a senate panel investigating the incident. "From stocks to bonds to tax reciepts, it all rests in her hands now."

Through out her life she exploited what she had acquired in knowledge and wealth and used it to her and her family's advantage. Well respected in her community, Mrs. Holdstrom had taken a home economics course in high school and used what she learned there to take her husband's porn distribution business from a cornor of their basement to a multi-million dollar a year concern, all while earning her own Masters degree in business management and raising five sons.

When asked how serious the situation was, Mr. Geithner replied, "We're talking a elderly, possibly senile lady whose only business experience has been running a small porn distribution company. Do you have any idea what kind of damage someone with her experience could do to our economy?"

No, we don't have any idea what kind of damage someone with her experience could do to our economy, Mr. Secretary. But, given the current sad state of affairs, we'd sure as hell would like to find out.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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