Oil Billionairres issue "Warning", to American public

Funny story written by Daniel Wolf

Wednesday, 18 May 2011

image for Oil Billionairres issue "Warning", to American public

Due to an increasing number, of consumer complaints, about skyrocketting gas prices, the oil Billionairres, at Exxon, Mobile, Amoco, and others, have issued a joint press release.

"If these American whiners do NOT stop bitching, about gas prices, within the next 7 days, then we, the OIL Billionairres, will give this "gutter-trash" something to really whine about!

If the "working class" scum think that $4.00 per gallon is a high price to pay, lets see how they like paying $10.00, to $20.00 per gallon."

Best of all, we came blame these price hikes on that fool, in the White House, Barrack Obama. We can claim that it is due to his military intervention, in Libya, which is the (cough) real (cough) reason for high gas prices. The stupid, American, public, will never know that it is WE, on the board of directors, who are manipulating prices.

On Wall Street, there is talk, behind tightly closed doors, that petroleum investors are prepared to gamble hundreds of BILLIONS of dollars on the prospect that BIG OIL will cut production, by up to 90%, in order to raise gas prices above $10.00 per gallon.

As these billions of dollars are wagered, on gasoline "futures", a check, with anonymous, industry, sources has informed the media that such speculation, combined with reductions, in production, COULD, in fact, easily, push pump prices well into the $20.00 per gallon range.

When asked, on condition of anonymity, how these coming prices will affect U.S. household incomes, the source would only respond: "It is time for Americans to "Bite the Bullet", and decide which is more important, to them, and their families: Either food, clothing, and shelter, O-R gas for their car. It will be motorists choice. No one HAS to drive, you know."

This reporter will continue following this story, as it develops. I just don't know what my publisher will say, about my use, of a company car, if gas prices DO go above $20.00 per gallon. The boss is already screaming "bloody murder", over just $4.00 per gallon.

This reporter may end up using mass transit, to reach stories, and sources, if gas prices go much higher.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more