There was a slight glitch in the President Obama's commitment to electric cars touted in his recent State of the Union address, as reports are coming in that hundreds of Hybrid car owners have been found frozen to death in massive traffic tie ups from Montana to Massachusetts when their batteries died!
Those reports launched a massive sell off of Government Motor (GM) stock today, right after GM shut down all their production lines, dropping it to junk status and fueling riots in China where investors had purchased most of the initial offering just months ago.
Wall street Investment Banks, responsible for the IPO, and that had earned millions for handling the deal, are now calling for Obama to be ousted as CEO of the world's largest car company and demanding that 'someone who knows his arse from his elbow, and hopefully cars, " get put in charge.
State Police and rescue workers on the snowbound nation's highways say the scene was 'horrific!" Witnesses said some of the victims were found frozen in mid text message, others had their cell phone to their ear with their mouth open, others were found applying lipstick using the flip down frosted mirrors, and at least two couples were found in compromising positions with one sitting on the gear shift with a smile frozen on her face.
The state highway transportation association said not only could they not keep up with snow removal, but first lady Michelle Obama's mandate against the use of salt further complicated the issue as workers could not protect drivers from the glare ice that was formed making forward movement 'impossible.'
Pressed by the First Lady, the Transportation agency did say, that as far as they knew, not one person with advanced diabetes trapped in the jam died from a salt overdose thanks to her foresight.
About a dozen Volt owners were said to have survived after they were able to set their cars on fire and benefit from the blaze. Said one, " Thank God I saved my cigarette lighter, even though it's illegal to smoke anywhere anymore....without it I would have had to try to find two sticks to rub together to cause a spark and get something going!"
Fully committed to the theory of Global Warming, car companies said they never expected 'so much snow' this winter, and 'didn't plan for people to be snowbound in their car for longer than 22 minutes."
Engineers knew going in that a battery loses 50% of its power for every 10 degree drop in temperature. Further, with the cars stuck in the traffic jam, additional juice was being drained at an alarming rate to run the heater and power up driver's Blue Ray devices.
With over a 1m Americans being affected by this latest affront to Al Gore's
Nobel Prize winning theories, at least 250,000 will be without power and unable to charge up their cars in their garage, leaving them stranded as food supplies run out.
Reports from the White House indicate that at 4 p.m. today the massive diesel generators kicked in after the power went off, and heat is being maintained at a steady 82 degrees, which the President says reminds him of his childhood in Kenya.
When last seen VP Joe Biden, who just canceled his trip to Egypt after being told Hosni Mubarak 'really is a dictator' was seen walking around in circles with his hands in his pockets repeating, "This is a big F*****g Deal, this is a REALLY BIG F****g Deal...we're royally F*****d now!"
