Just to set the record straight, it was the oink, oink kind of pigs, not the human variety, that gathered in New York City's Grand Central Station last night to protest bacon soda, a new product now offered for sale online.
Commuters were startled to see a dozen of the little porkers dancing around the famous clock at the center of the station. Pink Floyd's song, "Pigs (Three Different Ones)," blasted in the background. Some of the pigs held signs (saying things like: "It's not the REAL thing" or "It's just not a GOOD thing"), indicating their displeasure with the new drink.
When their spokesperson, Porky Pig, got up to address the crowd, he pointed out that bacon soda was a counterfeit product. "It's zero bacon," he said. "Totally artificial."
He held the interest of the crowd only until the main speaker, Miss Piggy, arrived with much fanfare. She wore a lovely pink (what else?) silk dress by Vera Wang and Damiani jewelry. She carried a Kate Spade purse in one hand and a can of the bacon soda in the other. She held up the can of soda and silenced the crowd with these four words: "It tastes like crap." There was much applause for her mini speech.
A happy commuter running for his train after snagging autographs from both Porky Pig and Miss Piggy, speculated on what health officials would have to say about this new product. "They've already condemned sugary sodas, but this is a whole new ballpark," he remarked. He also offered his own opinion: "This stuff should just be handed over to the big, bad wolf."
