New York City financial district physically moved to the White House front lawn by house movers

Funny story written by Robert W. Armijo

Wednesday, 17 September 2008

image for New York City financial district physically moved to the White House front lawn by house movers

New York, New York - Thousands of employees in New York City's finacial district woke up this morning to find that their buildings in which they work had been moved to the front lawn of the White House. House movers relocated the entire financial district of New York City to Washington, DC sometime late last night, while the nation slept.

According to the White House, Bush gave the okay for the move when he was convinced how much money and commuting time he would be saving the taxpayer by relocating the entire financial district to Washington, DC.

"We figured it was a cost saving move," said a White House spokesman. "By our estimates more New York financial intuitions are on their way to financial ruin. So by moving them to Washington, DC now before they collapse, we will save the American taxpayer thousands of dollars in gas and hours in overtime."

At the rate of financal collapse, the White House expects to recoup in no time the billions it has spent relocating the entire New York financial district.

Of course, New Yorkers are still expected to make the commute to Washington, DC, having to pay for the travel expenses out of their own pockets.

"I don't know what this administration is thinking," said a mortgage broker, whose building was relocated to Washington, DC. "The government is taking a big risk in thinking it can control Wall Street simply by moving it closer to the Capitol. Trying to control those financial giants is like owning a time-share in a condo in Cancun, Mexico during Spring Break. It's just a matter of time until a bunch of drunken frat boys breakdown your front door looking for booze, refusing to leave demanding more even after you've given them all you got."

According to the White House, timing of the relocation was of equal import in the final decision as well.

"The White House gave much consideration as to when was the best time to make the move. At night or during the day," said a White House spokesman.

Reportedly, the Bush administration was divided along the lines as to when it was best to move the financial intuitions. Finally, the impasse was broken.

"It was quite a heated debate," said the White House spokesman. "Move them in the dead of night so not to cause traffic jams on the nations major highways and byways, but risk waking up the American people."

Then, it was realized that night was better because that way even if the Bush administration woke up the American people from their slumber with the move, it would be too dark for them to see what was really going on and too late at night for them to do anything about it.

"The New York financial Titians will continue stand just as proudly as they did before as the beacons of capitalism," said the White House spokesman. "Only they will now do so on the White House front lawn along side pink flamingos."

Unfortunately, Lehman Brothers could not make the move as their building clashed with the lawn ornament d├ęcor.

"We're trying to avoid a Hover depression era look Lehman Brothers gives out and stick with a sleek skyline of the Clinton prosperity era and balanced federal government budget look," said the White House spokesperson. "Besides, we run out of room out front."

However, despite running out of room on the front lawn, the White House continues to assure other financial insatuitions that if they are too big to fail that they can expect to be rescued by the federal government.

"Oh yeah," said the White House spokesman. "We still got plenty of room out back in the Rose Garden."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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