Written by Robert W. Armijo

Wednesday, 18 June 2008

image for Ikea shares plummet as same-sex couples now expected to register at Wal-Mart, Kmart and the Piggly Wiggly
Same-sex couples changing the landscape for merchants

Los Angeles, California - As same-sex couple gain mainstream acceptance in society, companies like Ikea, which were among the first corporations to advocate homosexual rights by running TV and print media ads featuring a gay couple selecting furniture for their residence, now faces the reality that they may lose their homosexual clientele to competitors like Wal-Mart, Kmart and the Piggly Wiggly.

"It's unfortunate because we carefully cultivated that segment of the market," said a spokesman for Ikea. "In fact, our conceptual design self-assembly furniture was created specifically with the homosexual male in mind."

According to Ikea, much of its residential furniture line that comes right out of a box is designed to get the consumer on his knees and keep him there for hours on end with unnecessarily overcomplicated instructions in various international languages. However, Ikea insists that its self-assembly furniture design philosophy is by no means exclusively for homosexuals.

"It works on straight men, too," said Marie Johnson, 35, mother of five. "Every time my husband came home from work, and he'd catch me on my knees assembling a piece of Ikea baby furniture, no matter how tired he was, nine months later, I'd end pregnant again."

With same-sex marriage now legal in California and Hawaii, however, shares of Ikea have dropped significantly as it is expected homosexual males will no longer feel obligated continue to shop at Ikea.

However, Ikea maintains that now that same-sex marriage are increasingly becoming more acceptable that the homosexual community may be losing its style edge and cautions that switching to a competitor is often the first signs of a troubled marriage experienced by other straight couple relationships.

"Of course, newlywed homosexual couples are free to spend their dollar anywhere they wish," said a spokesman for Ikea. "All we are saying is that if your spouse is no longer turned on by watching you on your knees assembling our furniture that may be he's doing a little more than window shopping at a pre-assembled furniture store."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Gay, Marriage, Furniture

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