Written by matwil

Thursday, 12 June 2008

image for Wayne Marries In Italy
The new face of Slimfast?

Football star Wayne Rooney got married in Italy to his childhood sweetheart, a plate of ravioli, at lunchtime today. The ceremony took place in the Ristorante Unapizza in Portofino, and the footballer's best man was a tube of cannelone, filled with spinach and ricotta cheese.

The Mayor of Portofino, Signor Dolmio, said the bride wore a garnish of parmesan cheese and black pepper, and her bridesmaids were a crusty baguette with garlic butter, and a bowl filled with a lightly chilled tiramisu.

Exact details of the wedding are being kept secret, until the evening menu is written out by the manageress, but paparazzi were keen to get their hands on any leftover pasta or dessert, although the chances of Mr Rooney not eating all 8 lunch courses in 4 minutes are very unlikely.

The star is rumoured to have shelled out £32-99 for the meal, but may have left a one pence tip for the waitress, though that doesn't include the 3 litres of cheap red wine he had earlier, to nerve himself up for the meal.

It is also rumoured that another famous player, Paul 'Fivebellies' Gascoigne, turned up for a few tons of spaghetti and gallons of brandy, but had to leave, as Rooney had already eaten the restaurant out of food.

One anonymous source, a Miss XmcLoughlin, said :'Sure, if he wasn't famous he would never get any pastas or even pizzas to eat in a massive binge at midday - OK, he would.'

And another added :'Mr Rooney will be the new face of Slimfast, as soon as we can fire Sarah Ferguson, before she gets harpooned on holiday in Japan.'

Mr Blobby is 22 today.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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