Now is a good time to invest in Nestle and in particular their brand of intensely sweet golden cereal 'Golden Nuggets'.
Top economists are stumped as to why, as the stock market crashes around us, the share price of this so called 'Gold' owning company is increasing dramatically. It's having an affect on the retail price as well, a bowl of Golden Nuggets will now set you back £16.78, or $0.58 in America.
The reason, some analysts are suggesting, is due to a large amount of nervousness and tension in the City, as large business men driving TVR's loosen their ties and start to sweat over the recent crash, they are eating more and more bowels of cereal to combat their nerves.
Naturally, this has pulled up all cereal sales, but Golden Nuggets seem to be a favourite.
The brand label cartoons on the boxes of Golden Nuggets refused to comment. I tried asking them, but they remained silent.
The bottom line is you'd be a fool not to invest in Golden Nuggets.
Do it! NOW.
Well, why are you still here?!
(has eaten too many Golden Nuggets and is feeling a little bit twitchy)