In a generous act of human compassion Helicopter Ben Bernanke, the Chairman of the Federal Reserve Board, called and emergency meeting of the Board late on the night of January 21 to prevent TV host Jim Cramer (CNBC Mad Money) from going "postal."
It seems that foreign stock markets were in almost total meltdown and rumors were spreading that Jim Cramer might do something crazy if he lost just $1 more. As early indications of US equity markets were indicating that the Dow Jones average may open down almost 500 points right from the get-go.
During their video-telephonic meeting the Board of the Federal Reserve at the insistence of Helicopter Ben voted to reduce the key Federal Funds rate by ¾ of a percent. This was almost totally unprecedented, except for a similar time when Alan Greenspan reduced rates by 1% just after the 911 tragedy.
During the arguments leading up to the vote, Bernanke pleaded with the Board to help prevent a tragedy of almost similar magnitude to 911. He told the Board that if they did not do something quickly that Jim Cramer might lose his mind totally and do things which would be horrible to the people of Wall Street.
A one point during the meeting they had current images placed on their video screens which showed Cramer live on TV "foaming-at-the-mouth" over the likely opening on Wall Street. This was unusual as Cramer's show is usually seen in the afternoon on CNBC, but today he was brought in at 6 AM to "explain" the days probable events.
This is what caused the Board to approve the rate reduction. This proves that the FED is primarily concerned with human welfare and not just for the profits of the bankers who pay them or for the Wall Street hedge funds in which most of the Board members have all their money invested.
When their decision was announced the result was immediate. A smile returned to Jim Cramer's face for the first time in weeks and he stopped his foaming. Soon after this an entire chorus of CNBC commentators were assembled which all began singing "Ben Is Great" to the cords of "God Is Good." This angelic choir was led by a very happy Larry Kudlow.
When contacted later in the day Chairman Bernanke remarked, "I would do anything to help Cramer, why I may even have to drive interest rates into a negative position to support this worthless stock market and keep him happy. But nothing is too good for Jim Cramer."
