EL PASO, Texas - (Satire News) - Move over Dunkin' Donuts, there's a new bakery in town that's armed and delicious! Meet "Pastries, Pistols, and Pump Action Shotguns," the first bakery in the nation to sell donuts, bullets, beer, and even deadly weapons all under one roof.
The owner, Gabriel Estrada, 42, claims that his baked goods are so good they're "to die for," and apparently, he means it quite literally. But why settle for a boring birthday cake when you can have one with a side of rifles, scopes, and pistols? It's like a one-stop-shop for all your sugar and self-defense needs!
Gabriel's wife, Elsie Estrada, 31, who won the title of "Miss 2013 Bullet Proof Vest," is the real star of the show. Not only does she rock the pageant crown, but she also knows how to handle a gun. When two robbers walked into a bank where she was making a deposit, Elsie didn't hesitate to use her Glock 9 Handgun to shoot them both in the knees. The robbers were left screaming like little girls, while Elsie looked like a total badass.
But it looks like Elsie's not content with just being a local hero. She's now been offered a role in the hit TV show "Hell on Heels," where she'll get to show off her sharpshooting skills and her killer sense of style. We're pretty sure she'll nail it, considering she's already got the bulletproof vest and the guns.
So if you're in the mood for some deadly delicious treats and some serious firepower, head on over to "Pastries, Pistols, and Pump Action Shotguns." Who needs boring old bakeries when you can have a bakery that's armed and dangerously delicious?
