The Stock Market Wants to Buy & Sell YOU

Funny story written by Ana Sian

Wednesday, 15 February 2023

image for The Stock Market Wants to Buy & Sell YOU
Are You Valuable Enough to Go Up, or Down?

Capitalism knows no bounds, and it’s only getting stronger.

Since capitalism is creating our world, turning everything into a commodity which can ONLY be owned by the super rich, there’s something new to be bought and sold.

YOU!

That’s right, people will soon be able to be sold on the stock market. Entire populations. Want to buy shares in the population of a third world depressed nation held hostage by debt? Place yer bets! Think they’ll get new cows or goats – or will a mudslide or tsunami destroy all they worked hard for? (Even then, as long as the IMF lends them more money, then your shares will rise!)

The rich already own the poor, so why not trade human beings? It could just be one human being. Trump loves the idea, and thinks that shares in himself will outsell all other shares combined – he’s just that full of himself.

So if you want to “go public” and sell your sorry poor ass to the very rich, then get your DNA notarized and catalogued and you too can be traded like a commodity. Even if you don’t have money, it doesn’t matter. You have bones and organs and skin that are worth something, ain’t they? Especially to some old dowager who needs a new [fill in blank]. She’d love your liver!

Oops, I feel a Python sketch coming on … gotta go and buy buy buy, sell sell sell! I’m rich, but only when I’m dead … just like the rich want me to be.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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