Just because El Chapo is in an American jail without the possibility of seeing the light of Mexico ever again, doesn’t mean he can’t still do business and run his cocaine empire.
Several cell phones have already been smuggled into the Cartel leader’s cell, where his cell mate plays receptionist, and several of the guards are already on the payroll.
“Mr. El Chapo’s office, how may I direct your call?” asked the receptionist, Mr. Shiv, when I called for a personal interview.
However, I wasn’t able to record the interview, so I can only give readers the gist of what El said.
He said his business is growing by leaps and bounds – thanks to America. They keep him warm and safe from other drug dealers and hitmen, and don’t mind all his phones since they keep him busy and out of trouble with other inmates.
He even does deals for other prisoners, ordering them cigarettes and marijuana joints and special visits from friends and family members, some of them too sexy to detail – you gotta pay for a front row seat.
I asked him what he thought about all the Chinese balloon hoopla. He said he loved it, and that he’s already communicated with his homies down south to start airlifting bags of coke via balloon. El was surprised how far the balloon got within American air space, saying that he didn’t need that much of a range, just over the wall far enough to drop the bags into waiting arms in a dark field somewhere in … (he wouldn’t say where his American contacts are waiting for the next shipment … not if I valued having legs.).
So there you have it, if you’re going to go to prison forever, make sure you already have lots of money and contacts to keep business humming along smoothly.
Trump will fit right in, and will likely have an entire wing of cells for his “staff” to make deals and sell drugs and flags and bumper stickers, and get Ivanka and Jared into the House of Saud forever.
If you gotta be a piece of shit, be the best and biggest piece of shit you can be!
