How does a weak loser turn himself magically into a super hero? Hop into a phone booth? They don’t exist anymore, and Superman is confused and drinking heavily.
No, Trump hath shown the world the way! Again!
Turn yourself into a hero by … well, turning yourself into a hero. With trading cards!
Now, Kanye and Elon and Ronny “Boom Boom” DeSantis and Lauren “If you’ve got the money, honey, I’ve got the time” and Large Marjorie Taylor “the Green Nazi Machine” Greene all want in on the action.
They are all in the process of having art school drop-outs paint them into skin tight leotards and cowboy hats and chaps (the boys really like the chaps – Josh Hawley is liking it a little too much, and old Teddy Cruz already has the hat!) and space suits and kung-fu bathrobes with the Trump International crest on the breast (which Donald has the right to grope if he ever sees you wearing his merchandise), and many many more outfits.
In today’s world, substance does NOT matter – only appearance.
If you LOOK like a super hero, you will be able to convince tons of people that you are. Most human beings don’t like to think or question, so just tell them you is what you is, and then tell them that a $99 price tag “isn’t really that much” ‘cuz you might also win a phone call from Donny Junior when he’s coked outa his mind, or from Trump himself – or maybe he’ll invite you to Mar for a dinner of aborted babies and Texas style chili with heaps of Antifa sauce!
I’ve lost my mind writing this story … still can’t believe that all of his trading cards sold out, and he made another 4+ million on that “deal”.
See how dumb people can be, and happy to do away with 99 bucks? Turn yourself into a superhero with a trading card – but don’t trade it, or Donny will get mad and try to take over the country again.
PS: despite various Twitter comments, the cards do NOT smell like poo! Stop that right now!
