CHICAGO - (Satire News) - Boom Boom News reporter Hacienda Fiddle has just announced that a Windy City Hooters waitress has captured "The Best Hooters (Tits) In America Contest."
24-year-old Miffy Knockapello, of Cicero, easily won the boob contest from a group of 303 hot, sexy, luscious, well-endowed babes.
Miffy, who is recently divorced will receive a 2023 shocking pink Nissan Rogue XYZ, along with a year's supply of Joan of Arc Glow-In-The-Dark pantiliners, season tickets to the Chicago Cubs baseball games, and $65,000 cash.
The event was sponsored by Victoria's Secret, which gave each one of the 303 contestants a $500 gift certificate.
SIDENOTE: To see explicit photos of Miffy's bazongas, go to www.gigantictits.tit
