"It may seem like a trivial matter in these days of Coronavirus, and endless repeats of Line of Duty, but will my favourite coffee shop still respect my loyalty cards?" asks a local teenager.
Chutney on the Fritz's most famous fourteen-year-old with a crush, Thomas Johnson has revealed that he plans to take crush Sarah out on a socially-distanced date in mid-August, but only if Costa-Nero-Bucks in the High Street will allow him to use his one free drink offer.
'Obviously,' said Thomas, 'my paper round has shut down due to Coronavirus, so I don't have a steady stream of cash coming in, so if I have to buy Sarah a coffee, and then one for me, I will be out of pocket.'
Still, Young Thomas, my lad, at least you will know Sarah likes you for you, but in a couple of years, she might like someone else. It is how life works. Sorry to break it to you like that.