New Aftershave Will Help With Social Distancing

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 18 April 2020

image for New Aftershave Will Help With Social Distancing
The sweet smell of BO!, as worn by Michael Chiklis, all the time

A brand new aftershave that is due to be released onto the commercial market on Monday, is being touted as the perfect gift for those women who are finding social distancing from their man so difficult.

Indeed, it will act like a shield.

The aftershave, 'BO!', which has the odour of underarm sweat, is the product of alternative cosmetics giant, Woodson Smellies, and toiletries experts are predicting customers will be drawn to it as flies are to turds.

The fragrance, it's been suggested, will polarise opinion. Most women will find the scent so overwhelmingly putrid, they may pass out. Just one whiff of their man wearing BO! will be enough for them to become 100% aware of the social distancing rules, and to carry them out with maximum efficiency.

The manufacturers still harbor some 'nagging concerns', however, that its aroma might awaken some savage, primordial instinct in certain sections of the female population, who might - with zeal - encroach, not only into the 6-feet exclusion zone of the wearer, but right into his bedroom, where multiple cross-infections could be the result.

BO! will be available in all good DIY centres, hardware stores, and bargain shops, priced 99p, from Monday.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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