MINNEAPOLIS – According to The Minneapolis Daily Embellisher, the DQ headquarters has just implemented a new corporate policy.
DQ Senior Executive Vice-Chairman Angus P. Butterhouse has informed the public that, effective immediately, all of the DQ cooks will now be wearing Haz-Mat suits.
Butterhouse said that, with the DQ shares taking a hell of a nosedive, his company cannot afford to lose anymore customers. He added that he also fears that he will have to put his secondary yacht up on the market.
A reporter for the Daily Embellisher asked one DQ cook, identified as Stavros Queenquist, what he thought about having to wear a Haz-Mat suit.
He just shrugged his shoulders, and said that he did not really mind wearing the heavy, bulky, uncomfortable suit, except for the fact that it now takes him a good 14 minutes just to go pee.
Another cook, Calypso Villacourt, said that she hates that it messes up her braids, and she now constantly feels like she’s some kind of weird space alien from the planet Sinsemilla.
But hamburger patty-shaper, Antonio Sandwater, simply said that his girlfriend (Freckles) thinks that he is just the cutest thing since baby bunnies.
Tony winked, and said that now Freckles actually gets extremely turned on when he gets home dressed in his Hazzy, as she calls it.
[WRITER'S NOTE: Antonio blushed as he said that, at this rate, Freckles will most probably be getting pregnant in four or five days.]