Sen. Sherrod Brown charged with conflict of interest

Funny story written by Gee Pee

Tuesday, 26 August 2014


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

WHAT'S THE BEEF, OH -- Elected to represent the not-so-great state of Ohio, U. S. Senator Sherrod Brown (a Democrat, of course) has been charged with a conflict of interest.

Apparently, while supposedly representing Ohio, the politician is also representing fast-food giants Wendy's and White Castle against Booger King.

The conflict arose when Booger King had the good sense of purchasing a Canadian doughnut chain, Tim Horton's. In doing so, Booger King not only greatly increases its share of the fast-food market, but it also gains the right to relocate its corporate offices to Canada, where taxes are much lower than they are in the United States, not to mention Ohio.

The fault, as the senator sees it, is not in the excessive taxes that the U. S. and state governments charge corporations-indeed, Brown wants to convert even more of businesses' high-risk, hard-earned profits into taxes to pay for foreign aid, illegal aliens, and food stamps for the unemployed and the unemployable. However, Booger King believes that governments should refrain from spending corporations' and individuals' private money, siphoned from their profits an incomes by ever-increasing taxes, new taxes, and taxes on top of taxes, so that both companies and people have an incentive to want to remain in the United States rather than having to seek foreign tax shelters.

Frustrated with Booger King's belief in freedom, hard work, independence, and corporate and individual responsibility, Brown has called for a boycott of the fast-food chain, asking Booger King customers to "dine" on Wendy's and White Castle's "cuisine." Wendy's the senator points out, is headquartered in Dublin. He was not sure where White Castle's is located, but he believes its "Rome, Venice or Italy." Both Ireland and Italy (as well as Venice and Rome) have higher, not lower, taxes than Canada, so Brown is "okay" with their having selected foreign locations for their respective headquarters.

"Where's the beef?" Brown asked. "If by beef, we mean lettuce, it sure ain't in America anymore, not where Booger King is concerned."

Other companies that have fled the country because of the taxation-with-representation issue include AbbiVie, Valeant Pharmaceuticals, and Walgreen.

Taxes are 46.4 percent lower in Canada than they are in the United States, Booger King points out.

Despite opposition to Booger King's departure for greener pastures, Warren Buffett, the billionaire Democrat who is usually safely tucked away in President Obama's pocket, disagreed with both Brown and Obama. "Corporations are people, too," Buffett insisted, "and have a right to survive. If they can't do it here, during Obama's so-called economic recovery, they have to do it wherever else they can, including our good neighbor to the north."

Buffett's Berkshire Hathaway firm is financing 25 percent of Booker King's acquisition of the Canadian doughnut chain.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more