Harry Maguire Stuns Soccer World by Announcing Early Retirement
Manchester, UK. Woof Blister reporting for SIN - Spoof International News. In a shocking tweet posted in late afternoon today, the most beloved [and parodied] player in European and UK soccer history revealed that he will retire early - in fact, this...
Read full storyGOP Will "Shut Down Impeachment Hearing in House With More Really Cool Signs" Says Jim Jordan
Washington - House Republicans including Jim Jordan and Matt Gaetz vowed to "completely destroy Nancy Pelosi, Adam Schiff and the Socialist Radicals in the House," during the upcoming impeachment debates, by utilizing "really cool signs" that are "ev...
Read full storyKurds Were Unable to Participate in 1944 Normandy Invasion Because of Bone Spurs, Say Historians
Washington - President Donald Trump, justifying his abandonment of the Kurdish people that fought ISIS in Syria on behalf of the United States, pointed out that the Kurds were "not our allies during World War 2", and did not "participate in the Norma...
Read full storyTime Gets Totally Wasted - Again
Despite his best efforts to make better use of himself, Time ended up getting totally wasted - again. "I guess some stuff happened, but I have no clue what," said Time. "I was flying, is about all I can remember. And the seconds got a little slopp...
Read full storyHarry Maguire Named England Captain For Czech Game
Harry Maguire, the Manchester United central defender, is to be given the captain's armband when England travel to Prague to play the Czech Republic in their European Championship Group A qualifying match tomorrow, Friday 11 October. For Maguire,...
Read full storyCommuter Snaps, Plans Pileup as a Middle Finger to Fellow Commuters: Fortunately Dies first in Collision with Big Rig
A man who'd spent more time in his car than in bed with his ex-wife, or with anyone else's wife, for that matter, finally snapped last month on the interchange between South New Haven and Cooperville. Fortunately for the driving public, the commu...
Read full storyHarry Maguire Seriously Considering His Future
Harry Maguire, the Manchester United and England central defender who, it could be said, had the world at his feet just three short months ago, is now seriously considering his future, and a possible move out of Old Trafford in the January transfer...
Read full story