Jamal Khashoggi Lucan Spotted Playing In Goal At Barking Rovers Match
London, UK - There are reports this weekend that the self-styled Houdini-artiste may have ‘faked’ his disappearance at a Turkish bath somewhere in The Phosphorous - eh, Bosphorus - a bit like Lord Lucan in 1974. The news comes amid ‘sightings’ of...
Read full storySaudi Arabia To X-RAY Stomachs Of Assassination Team
BILLINGSGATE POST: Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman assured Secretary of State Mike Pompeo that he would provide X-rays of the stomachs of his assassination team to prove they didn’t dispose of Jamal Khashoggi by eating his body parts. Altho...
Read full storyStephen Queen's Rinse Macabre
Back in the eighties, Stephen Queen was the undisputed master of the horror story. His books sold like hot cakes. Hell, they sold better than hot cakes. And so, Queen’s agent got a big idea: What if Stephen Queen wrote a nonfiction book? As it turned out, this wasn’t such a big idea. It didn’t sell like hot cakes. It barely sold at all. But the book contains many interesting insights on the art of...
Read full storyThe Day Satan Came to Court
Back in the eighties, every book publisher was searching for the new Stephen King. Of these forgotten pretenders, John Psepsis was surely the most prolific, sometimes churning out a new chiller every month. Of his fellow author, King had this to say: “Gosh wow, Psepsis writes better horror than anyone. Except me, of course. And certainly, I’m a lot richer than him. A whole lot richer. I should kno...
Read full storySkank 109! Chapter 3
Dirk Diver took another swig from the martini glass in his hand, a swig that was casual and languorous, yet somehow masculine and controlled, much like the prose in this book. As the drink poured down his throat he took another look at the female figure stretched out on the bed before him. Then he glanced out the window at the gleaming jeep which carried her along on her outdoor expeditions. It wa...
Read full storyAdventures in the Merchant Arse-Gravy
It was early in the spring of 1835 when me and my friend Arsecock were shanghai-ed. We had only had a few pints in The Admirals' Cockles in Plymouth, but there must have been something in the brew. When I woke up, I was sick, the whole world was rolling from side to side, and everything smelt of shit. "Where am I?" I asked. "Hahar! Ye've awoken," said a gruff bearded old man in a smart unifo...
Read full storySaudi Arabian Consul's Words Taken Out Of Context, Claims Riyadh
As the situation surrounding the disappearance of Washington Post contributor, Jamal Khashoggi, becomes ever more dire, and as the likelihood of the truth ever becoming known diminishes, the Saudi Arabian government has asked everyone to take a deep...
Read full storyWhere are they now? Gritty English Football Managers
You remember the days when managers had real football names? Ron, Gordon, Harry, Joe. What do we have now? Maurizio, Marco, Rafael, Nuno, Jose, even bloody Claude. Do me a favour. Where have they all gone? The Spoof has complied a list of favourites and rogues: Mike Bassett, England Manager. Erm, yes we know he doesn't actually exist apart from in the 2001 mockumentary of the same name where...
Read full storyHannibal Lecter Seen Exiting Saudi Embassy With New Lampshade
BILLINGSGATE POST: A newly-released video showing forensic psychiatrist and taxidermist, Dr. Hannibal Lecter, carrying a lampshade out of the Saudi Embassy in Istanbul was released this morning as part of the probe into the disappearance of journa...
Read full storyTrump to Send Crack Team of FBI Kavanaugh Investigators to Look Into Khashoggi Murder
Washington - President Donald Trump and Secretary of State Mike Pompeo have decided to send the same FBI team that completed the 3 day investigation into the Brett Kavanaugh sexual assault charges to Turkey to investigate the murder of journalist Jam...
Read full storyMohammed bin Salman Has Eaten Jamal Khashoggi
Mohammed bin Salman, the Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia, whose full and extraordinary name is Mohammed bin Salman bin Abdulaziz Al Said, has eaten Jamal Khashoggi, it has been claimed. The Prince, 33, had been extremely vague about the whereabouts o...
Read full storyJamal Khashoggi Turns Up Safe And Well
The threat of a diplomatic showdown over the 'murder' of Saudi Arabian journalist, Jamal Khashoggi disappeared this morning, when the Washington Post contributor turned up safe and well. Mr Khashoggi had not been seen since he entered the Saudi Ar...
Read full storyMohammed bin Salman flees to Turkey’s embassy in Riyadh
Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman (MbS), next in line to the King, is now reported taking refuge (or vanished) inside Turkey’s Embassy in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. This news comes following the controversy over Jamal Khashoggi’s disappearance inside th...
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